Back to school. Pt 2.

2 of 2 [continued from Part 1]

Now you know the background. You see that throughout my life I have changed my mind a lot on what I wanted to do. i went from wanting to work in construction to then working in a hospital with dreams of being a Nurse.

Then YWAM happened and God grabbed my heart for His plan.

So now I am hear writing from a library in Vancouver City, Canada.

Nearly two years since I last had a job.
Over three years since I have been to school.

I title this Blog "Back to school" because I am realising more and more since leaving school that I am going back to school. every day.

Let me try to unpack what is going on in my web of wild thoughts.
I have had a lot of people other the last year give me words that "you will achieve big things" or that "God has big things for you" and this excites me. a lot. It also causes me to be restless. Because sometimes I don't see big things. That "sometimes" is now. I have prayed a lot on God's calling on my life. Throughout DTS and while in India I realised I had a heart to see missionaries looked after. I felt that maybe that looked something like apostle Paul. I also had words spoken over me as an encourager, like Barnabas (Paul mentions him in some of his epistles). Then after that I felt called to learn more about Discipleship Training so I stayed with YWAM to learn by doing. This time was very straining and I had little time to myself and to develop myself I felt. It was all GO and just trying to keep up. I know God was there and He used me but I felt like I had neglected what I had learnt in my DTS. When I returned from leading an outreach team to Vancouver, as part of that DTS, I went to Berlin where I spent a month serving in that city but also just to take time away to pray. There I felt my hearts desires confirmed and that God was calling me to Bible college where I would study theology and then enter into a church pastoring role, focusing on missions. Some people would call it a "Missions Pastor", this is the role that I see most similar to my calling. But I also felt Him calling me back to Vancouver first for a time.


I still feel very much that I am called to be a "Missions Pastor" working within the local church, maybe even church planting and creating and establishing a network of churches around the world, supporting and learning with and from each other. Looking similar to YWAM but with more of a church foundation and base. This may only mean little things to each of you, but I hope there are enough pieces to work out the whole picture..? I have described it as I want to be in a position where Joe Blogs can come to me and say "I have a heart for the orphans in India" and I can say "Ok Joe, lets go!" and then with links already established, or going with new eyes, to go with Joe to India and help him pursue his hearts desire with the support of a church and with me behind him. Encouraging him in his God given calling. Make sense? maybe...


So back to now. Now I feel is a time that I am still learning, still at "school". I have sometimes been frustrated that I am not seeing anything change. Not doing anything. It is making me restless. I know what I am heading towards. But I am here. It has taken a lot of listening to God and a lot of me sulking like a child. But I am now feeling that I am in the place of be content. I am here. God called me here and put me here. I am here to grow. To learn. To be at school.


I know that I have issues in my life, in my personality, in my closet that I need to deal with. I am dealing with them. But they aren't dealt with. I know that God is purifying me. Zechariah 13:9 says:

And I will put _them_ into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people'; and they will say, 'The LORD is my God.'" [ESV]

This is where I feel I am...

It hurts.
Fire hurts.
Testing hurts.


But I am calling on His name and He is telling me over and over that He is my God.


I will be stronger. I will be able to achieve the big things I know God has for me. I will be able to pastor and look after people. God loves me just as I am. But He loves me too much to leave me like that. I know with all my heart that I will see big things. I will be a part of big things and they will all point to God and then I will be gone, as the morning mist, but God will have been glorified in my life and God's Kingdom will continue to be established on earth.


For now I allow Him to purify me, to put me into the fire.


It hurts.

But He is worth it.

Back to school. Pt 1.

1 of 2
Let me start this two part blog by telling you a little bit of my story when it comes to school... I left school at the age of 16 where I went to a college to do a 2 year Construction course. At about the age of 15/16 I decided that I wanted to work in construction, working on the side of building management and building surveying, more the theory side of building. Before this I had never really settled on a dream or career, it was always changing, from physio, to flouriest to something in IT... So off I went at 16 to follow my dream of learning about the construction world. About two months into the course I realised that it was not very academically stimulating for me. I was even teaching the Maths class as my fellow class mates understood me better than our teacher. This started to drain on my and I realised that maybe construction wasn't where I wanted to be. I met some very cool people and learnt some skills that still pop up every now and then but my heart wasn't in it and I was feeling the desire to be stretched more academically. I left this college about 4 months after starting in pursuit of more general classes that will be more challenging. I decided that I would be attending a 6th Form college the following September to study Maths, Information Communication Technology, Accounts and Geography. But I still had 7 months before the course started, so off I went and started working in a supermarket as a cashier, very quickly I was looking after the CDs, DVDs and Videos sales and also the Newspaper and Magazine sales. I was also helping to train new (and old) cashiers on how to use the cash registers, etc... It was work... I was bored and eager to get back to school.

September finally came and I started at college. Within two weeks I realised that perhaps Maths was too challenging so it was agreed that I would drop that class, I continued with the 3 remaining classes. First year was up. I had failed Accounts and had done average in the other two. Accounts was also dropped so I started the second year with picking up a new class in Business Studies. I enjoyed my time at college, mostly because it was right next to a river! I also had good friends there and enjoyed socialising... maybe too much... I had no idea still what career I wanted as the final exams were approaching, I had lost interest in the subjects I was studying. It eventually came to me just before my exams that I had a heart for people, so this lead me to the decision to pursue a nursing career. By this time it was too late to apply for university so I was going to have to wait a year until I could go to university. After finishing my exams and doing ok... I started working at a Hospital as a Health Care Assistant/Nursing Assistant. I enjoyed this work. It paid enough for what I needed and I enjoyed spending time with patients and I was fast learning some very useful skills. Also I was working with closely with nurses and really realising that it was a career I wanted. I had chosen to attend a university up north where at the time my girlfriend was studying. Unfortunately we broke up and I realised that I really actually was only going there for her... But again by this time it was too late to apply for another university. I withdrew my application and decided to keep working in the hospital and re-apply to a university that I actually wanted to go to. So I did. I applied to attend the University of Southampton, one of the best nursing schools in the UK, in a great area. I was so excited. But deep down I was unhappy. In September 2008 I decided that I needed to dedicate a "year to God" so I started with reducing my hospital work to only part-time hours (about 20 hours a week) and then I started volunteering at a Christian Drug rehab centre two days a week. So my time was taken up with hospital 3-4 days and at the rehab center 2 days a week. This was a great time of learning and I really gained some great life experiences here. I also decided as part of my "year for God" that I would do a DTS with YWAM at Holmsted Manor starting in January 2009. So I quit my hospital job, and my rehab position and went off to YWAM having paid for the lecture phase but with very little money left.

-12 weeks of lecture phase
-10 weeks in India

you've heard me tell the story. if not then ask.

I sent back to staff at Holmsted Manor and I staffed a DTS that started in September 2009 as part of that lead an outreach team to Vancouver for the winter Olympics and time before. Left, realised I loved it and was being called back. In September 2010 I moved back and now I am here.

I write all this because I wanted to set the foundations for what my education and schooling life has looked like in the past as I now look to what God has for me.

This is the background. Read Pt 2 (to follow) for the present thoughts....

December update

[To see a printout version of this update click here]

hi

It has been a cold past few weeks in Vancouver, when flying to California at the end of last month there was snow on the ground. Not as much snow as there has been in England however, so I can’t really say too much! Now traditional Vancouver has set in and it is back to rain. I am sipping on Early Grey tea looking out the window thinking over the last month and the month to come. I hope that you are well and staying warm? Enjoy reading and if you have any questions or challenges or words then please don’t hesitate to write.

Thanksgiving

I was privileged enough to spend Thanksgiving in America with Alexa and her family. My first real American Thanksgiving. It was a good time of lots of food, fellowship and more food! I passed up on the turkey and was fed Mac ‘n’ Cheese just in case you were worried that I had sacrificed on my vegetarianism for one day. It was especially good as it is as season for being thankful. Everyone is encouraged to look back over the last year and say what they are thankful for. “One thing?” I asked, there are many many things that I am thankful for. A big thing has to be that I am in Vancouver, even though it is a challenge to be here at times I just look back at how I got here and how thankful for that I am. I have also been reminded this season of just how amazing grace is. I deserve nothing but death, yet I am alive only because of the grace of God through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. I am also hugely thankful for you. Without you I couldn’t be here. I know that God does not need me, yet He chooses to use me and you are making that possible, through finances, prayer and encouragements. It is an honour to serve and work along side you in bringing God’s Kingdom to Vancouver and to all I meet, you are part of the testimony of God’s faithfulness in my life. I will always be thankful for this time and for you helping to make that happen.

Into The Urban

So what am I actually doing in Vancouver? Since arriving here I have been part of pioneering and establishing a new ministry opportunity. We are calling it “Into The Urban” and it is a 10-month internship program with YWAM Vancouver. It is being put in place to encourage anybody to come and serve with YWAM here with a focus on urban ministries. That will look like working with us in new initiatives around the city and also partnering with existing ministries that are already in place. It is an exciting program where we will grow together learning more about God’s heart for the city and discovering new opportunities to reach the un-churched people of Vancouver. As well has helping to pioneer this program I will also be getting involved in the urban ministries. It’s exciting and I am so grateful to be apart of it. So in partnering with me you are part of creating a place for people to hear God, grow in vision and see changes in lives.

For more information go to
www.ywamvancouver.com/intotheurban

Personal

I recently posted a blog entry titled “Swings and Roundabouts”, if you have a moment check it out. I have recently had to really check where my security and stability lies. I had to reconfirm that it lies in the Lord and that I have to rest in the knowledge that He has called me here and He is working in my here. On returning from California last week I found out that both my current housemates will be leaving, one is going on a field assignment for 3 months and the other will be leaving Vancouver. This was a bit of a shock to the system. It basically means that I now need to find somewhere to live. Talking with one of my housemates about their unsettlement here in Vancouver made me start to question my purpose here. This I had to quickly shake off and realise that it has nothing to do with me. I was letting someone else’s feelings of being unsettled effect me. I began to seek God and was filled with a sense of His security. So even though this brings in some potentially challenging times I know that I am secure in God. It has been a struggle since arriving in Vancouver finding my happiness. There is not the community here that I was used to at Holmsted so at times it can be very lonely. But I know that my joy and my happiness has to rest in God: “the joy of the Lord is my strength”. Knowing this I push on. I keep going and I keep knowing that God has called me here and that He is using me here. I ask you to pray with me, that I will continue to feel a spirit of peace in uncertainty and never loose sight of the vision and purpose of me being here. I am blessed to know you, and am blessed to have you in my life. Thank you again for your support.

I end this update with a passage from Hebrews that has spoken to me:

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.“ [Heb 10:23—NIV]

I pray that we will have hope and know that God is faithful and that we will walk with that all the days of our lives as we seek to make the name of Jesus famous over this earth.

Stay in touch!

Joel

Swings and Roundabouts

"it's swings and roundabouts"  (British & Australian)

something that you say to describe a situation in which there are as many advantages as there are problems

 I am sitting here just having returned from a very good time away in California where I spent 9 days with my girlfriend Alexa. It was a much needed rest time and it was great to verbally process a lot of things that had been going on in my life and in just the transition into living and serving in Vancouver. It was much needed. I need to talk sometimes, and Alexa is a good listener. Also it was good for our relationship as it was the first time we had seen each other in 8 weeks and also I was able to meet her family and see her "life". We talked, laughed, prayed, walked, served, and loved. It was a time that I can simply describe as perfect.


The hard part was leaving. Very hard.


A lot has already happened since I have been back in Vancouver (31 hours). Stuff that will have some very big effects on my life. It was a slight shock to return and be told the news. I won't share just yet as it is other people's news that effects me and I am not sure that they have shared more yet. These things will most likely effect where I live, my finances and just how life will look in Vancouver. On first hearing, I became quite unsettled, asking questions like "so am I really meant to be in Vancouver?" I stopped to think and quickly became aware that I was letting other peoples unsettlement effect me. I know that I need to not let this be the case, just because others are feeling unsettled does not mean I should be to. I need to keep my stability. I need to make sure that I am hearing personally from God and it is not being swayed or affected by emotions around me.

I know I am where I am meant to be. I know that it is going to be a challenge to stay.

I know that God is with me.

...more detailed update to follow...